With a nod and kick to the guh-roin of David Bowie, there’s yet another change in our life.  Unbelievably, I am no longer an auditor, thanks be to god, allah, or the deity of your choice.  After only four years in the profession, I realized that I am not a good fit (though I happen to be really good at it), though I learned much.

Mostly, it was the people.  MOST auditees (the people being audited), are mature, responsible, and honest.  However, at my last place of business (LPOB), I had to work with the counter-opposite, and it broke me.   The company is so…how do I put this…stuck in 1996 on the security side, and they are actually proud of it.  “But, but, we have a firewall, and we once caught somebody downloading stuff off Napster!”  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the extent of their security.  Once I realized that it was all about a powertrip for the CFO (how many idiots can I collect???), I knew it was time to hit the road again.

But after this warm and fuzzy experience, I decided to head back into IT.  You see, if anything my LPOB taught me, it’s that auditors suck.  No no, they can’t help AT ALL.  And whine enough to the clueless CFO, and you can do whatever the F you want.  Stuck in 1995?  Whine.  Lower the bar and whine.  Whine some more.  And there you have it.  As an auditor, it really is my word against somebody else’s, and without the necessary support (see Board), you brought a wet Sporting News to Iraq with which to fight.

So, Geoff, with all this happy reporting, is there actually a silver lining?  Why, yes, yes there is.  It took me all of six seconds to decide that my new company has a mature group of people.  Perhaps, me thinks, it’s because I am no longer an auditor.  It’s like, because that (or a synonym) is in my title, I must b a very spetial gye.  But this company is genuinely interested in what I have to offer, both from an IT and compliance angle.  A-mazing.  My commute had become worse than from ERCOT in Taylor (oh, and let me give a big-time plug to ERCOT, especially the security people.  Out-freaking-standing, and that ain’t sarcasm.), and now it’s about 10 minutes each way.  And it’s closer to Fry’s and a Chik-Fil-A.  HAHAAH!

So, there you have it.  I want to give a shout-out to all the wonderful auditors and auditees I have met over the years.  About 90% have been outstanding, including T, my last boss.  But, for now, I am done with it.  I can’t stand the needless hate any longer.

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